Client's Benefits
What makes the MENDS program so effective?
When something works well, there is always the temptation to go looking for some magic ingredient.
The reality these days is that there is little that has not been attempted before, and significant breakthroughs are more often than not, now coming from how the pieces fit together. That is the case with the MENDS program.
One of the hallmarks of programs designed by Owen Pershouse is their holistic nature: no silver bullets, just the skilful accumulation and assembly of just the right pieces in a sequence that builds cross-supported skills for sustainable change.
So the MENDS Strategies for Separated Men program works with the complete man, and challenges frequently unscrutinised beliefs:
- Body & mind (health issues) and the danger of trying to relieve stress symptoms with alcohol, tobacco and even illegal drugs.
- Family Court and Child Support Agency rights and responsibilities
- Unexamined concepts and assumptions of what being "a man" (deep voice!) means.
- Beliefs and knowledge about what children are going through and that they need Dad as much or more than he needs them,
- Beliefs around relationships, how much he contributed to the relationship breakdown, and equally as important; how much he did not,
- Self-talk around how he is/is not coping with separation,
- Relationships with other men, and whether his partner was being expected to provide the sort of closeness and openness that should be coming from a circle of trusted and reliable male friends.
The program includes plenty of opportunity to "shoot the breeze", to tell your story and be heard. Sadly, most men report that many of their friends and acquaintances pull away during this critical period. Divorce and Death both start with D, and many men feel worse during a separation than if there had been a death in the family, except in this case there is no funeral to formalise and focus the grieving.
This overview provides just a glimpse into the program and what graduates report getting from the program. Satisfyingly, graduates regularly report that the outcomes upon program completion exceeded their expectations.
Who is the Program For?
Whilst the program was originally designed to address the needs of men in the six (6) months after separation, time and experience has shown it can deliver great results in a much wider time frame.
MENDS has seen men:
- As early as still in the relationship, but things have been a bit rocky and men want to be proactive and do all they can to prevent a breakdown of the relationship if at all possible, through to
- As late as thirteen (13) years into a new relationship, but conscious that patterns of behaviour that were contributory to the failure of the first marriage are again causing problems, and desirous to do all possible to repeat the pattern. The program has served clients as young as 22, and the oldest to date was 75.
These men all gained greatly from the program.
On occasion we have seen men do the program and then rebuild their relationship. Whilst that is great when it occurs, we stress that that is the exception, and if men enrol for MENDS with that expectation, they are unlikely to get good results.
MENDS is a reality based program, which relies on the client taking the most thorough audit of his life to date, so it is no place for "wishin' and hopin' " that is divorced from reality.
